Wellness Tool: Assertiveness and the “I” Statement for Boundary Setting

Purpose

Boundaries protect your energy, relationships, and wellbeing.

The “I” Statement approach is a simple, evidence-based way to communicate clearly and respectfully — without guilt or aggression. Combined with the Assertive Bill of Rights, this exercise strengthens self-respect and helps you express your needs while maintaining compassion for others.

Steps

1. Begin with your Assertive Bill of Rights

   Write or reflect on a few statements that remind you of your inherent rights. Examples include:

   • I have the right to be treated as an equal.

   • I have the right to say no without guilt.

   • I have the right to express my needs and feelings.

   • I have the right to make mistakes and change my mind.

   • I have the right for my basic needs to be met.

   Keep your list somewhere visible — it acts as an anchor for self-worth and boundary-setting.

   
   

2. Learn the “I” Statement framework

   Use this structure to communicate assertively:

   • I feel… (state your feeling)

   • When… (describe the situation or behaviour factually)

   • Because… (explain why it matters or how it affects you)

   • And I need… (state what would help or what you’re requesting)

   Example:“I feel overwhelmed when last-minute requests are added to my schedule, because I want to do my best work. I need advance notice to plan effectively.”

   
   

3. Practise in low-pressure situations

   Start with everyday interactions — for example, scheduling, family planning, or minor disagreements. The more you practise this language, the more natural it feels during higher-stakes moments.

   
   

4. Reflect afterward

   Ask yourself: Did I express what I needed clearly? Did I stay calm and respectful? What worked well, and what felt uncomfortable? Adjust with curiosity, not criticism.

Assertive communication is about clarity, not control. By grounding yourself in your rights and using “I” statements, you replace reactivity with intention. Over time, you’ll notice that setting boundaries doesn’t push people away — it strengthens connection, because others understand you more clearly. This tool helps you honour your wellbeing while engaging with others from a place of confidence and respect.

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