From Stuck to Unstoppable: Conquer Cognitive Dissonance

Jul 24
7 min read

That Stuck, Uncomfortable Feeling

Why is it so uncomfortable to hold two conflicting beliefs or desires at once? If you've ever felt trapped between what you know to be true and what you're doing, or between two strong, opposing desires, you're not alone. That churning in your stomach, the indecision that saps your energy, or the nagging sense that something isn't quite right often signals a deeper internal struggle.

It's incredibly challenging when our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours aren't aligned. Perhaps you're staying in a job that leaves you feeling unhappy, even though you are working in your dream career. Maybe you're committed to a nutrition plan, but you constantly struggle with old habits. Or perhaps you find yourself saying "yes" to requests when every fibre of your being wants to shout "no." These common scenarios highlight a fundamental human experience: the discomfort of internal conflict. What you might be experiencing is known as cognitive dissonance.

This article explores how this cognitive conflict impacts us and steps to take to understand our dissonance and reduce it for improved well-being.

What Is Cognitive Dissonance?

So, what exactly is cognitive dissonance? In its simplest form, it's the mental discomfort we feel when we hold two or more conflicting beliefs, values, or behaviours simultaneously.

This concept was first formally introduced by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957. Festinger's theory states that humans have an inherent drive for consistency in their beliefs and attitudes. When an inconsistency (dissonance) arises, it creates an uncomfortable tension, motivating us to reduce that discomfort. This motivation to resolve the dissonance can lead to profound changes in our attitudes, behaviours, or even how we interpret information. It's a fundamental mechanism of our psychological well-being, influencing how we navigate choices and make sense of our world.

The Impact of Cognitive Dissonance

The ripple effect of cognitive dissonance extends far beyond a fleeting feeling of discomfort, influencing our emotional landscape, decision-making processes, and even our self-perception. Research consistently demonstrates its profound impact.

Studies on phenomena like role strain and imposter syndrome offer compelling examples. When individuals experience role strain – the tension arising from conflicting demands or expectations within a role – it's a form of cognitive dissonance. Similarly, imposter syndrome, where accomplished individuals doubt their achievements and fear being exposed as a "fraud," is rooted in the dissonance between their internal belief of inadequacy and external evidence of success. Value alignment, or rather the lack of it, also generates significant dissonance. When our actions or circumstances clash with our core values, the psychological discomfort can be intense and enduring.

How Women May Experience It Uniquely

While cognitive dissonance is a universal experience, research suggests that women may experience it in distinct ways, particularly in certain domains. Some comparative studies indicate that women tend to report more cognitive dissonance in internal and personal areas, such as personal adjustment and health/wellness. This contrasts with men, who sometimes report more dissonance in external or impersonal areas.

How to Spot It: Signs You’re Experiencing Cognitive Dissonance

Recognising cognitive dissonance is the crucial first step toward addressing it. Because it manifests as internal conflict, the signs can be subtle, appearing as shifts in our emotions, thoughts, and behaviours. Learning to identify these clues can empower you to understand what's truly going on beneath the surface.

Here are some common emotional and behavioural indicators that you might be experiencing cognitive dissonance:

Feelings of Unease or Tension:
You might feel a pervasive sense of discomfort, stress, or anxiety, especially when you're engaging in activities or holding beliefs that conflict with your values or knowledge. It's that nagging feeling that something isn't quite right.
Rationalisation:
A very common coping mechanism. You find yourself creating elaborate explanations, excuses, or justifications for actions that you know, deep down, don't align with your core beliefs or knowledge. For instance, justifying staying in a draining job by focusing solely on the benefits, ignoring the emotional toll.
Second-Guessing and Self-Doubt:
You might frequently question your decisions, even after they've been made, becoming indecisive.
Avoidance:
You might deliberately ignore information, conversations, or situations that could highlight the inconsistencies between your beliefs and behaviours. This is a way your mind tries to protect itself from the discomfort, but it can prevent you from addressing the root issue.
Guilt or Shame:
Experiencing feelings of embarrassment, regret, or a strong desire to hide behaviours that are inconsistent with your standards or values is another strong indicator. This often arises when the dissonant behaviour is something you feel you "shouldn't" be doing.

Take a moment to reflect:

To help you spot it in your own life, consider these mini journaling questions:

Think about a recent situation where you felt particularly uncomfortable or conflicted. What were the two (or more) opposing thoughts, feelings, or actions at play?
Have you found yourself making excuses or justifying a decision lately that, on some level, doesn't sit well with you? What was the decision, and what justifications did you create?
Are there any areas in your life where you consistently feel a sense of unease, even if you can't quite pinpoint why? Could it be a hidden conflict between what you desire and what you're doing?

Recognising these signals in your daily life is the foundational step toward understanding and productively managing cognitive dissonance.

Working Through It: Strategies to Resolve Dissonance

When cognitive dissonance remains unaddressed, its impact can compound, resulting in a range of challenging outcomes.

Persistent internal conflict can manifest as emotional fatigue, leaving you feeling drained and exhausted. It often contributes to decision paralysis, making even simple choices feel overwhelming. Unresolved dissonance can also fuel feelings of guilt, shame, or a tendency towards avoidance, where you might shy away from situations or information that highlight the inconsistency.

Fortunately, there are practical, compassionate strategies to help you work through and resolve dissonance, moving you from a place of being stuck to one of clarity. Psychological research outlines several approaches, ranging from less effortful "disengaging" strategies to more impactful "engaging" ones.

Here are some key strategies:

Change Behaviour to Match Beliefs:
This is often the most direct and effective way to resolve dissonance. If your actions are out of sync with your values, altering the behaviour removes the inconsistency. For example, if you believe in being active but find yourself sedentary every day, actively choosing movement once a day directly aligns your behaviour with your belief, reducing the dissonance. This "overt behaviour change" is an engaging strategy that requires effort but yields significant resolution.
Change Attitudes or Beliefs:
Sometimes, it's our beliefs that need adjusting to align with reality or necessary actions. This isn't about denial but about re-evaluating the importance or validity of a belief. For instance, if you hold a rigid belief that "success means working 80 hours a week" but your body is telling you otherwise, you might modify your belief to "success means sustainable productivity and well-being." This restructuring of beliefs is an engaging strategy.
Rationalisation and Justification (with caution):
While often seen as a less productive coping mechanism, rationalisation can temporarily reduce discomfort. This involves creating explanations or excuses that make conflicting behaviour seem reasonable. For example, "I only smoke occasionally, so it's not that bad." However, relying too heavily on rationalisation can prevent genuine resolution and perpetuate unhealthy patterns. It's a "disengaging" strategy that offers temporary relief but not always lasting change.
Trivialisation or Minimising Importance (with caution):
Similar to rationalisation, this involves convincing yourself that the inconsistency doesn't matter much ("Nobody's perfect," or "There are worse habits"). While it can reduce immediate discomfort, it avoids addressing the core conflict and is also a disengaging strategy.
Self-Affirmation:
Highlighting your positive traits and values can help reduce the negative feelings associated with cognitive dissonance. By affirming aspects of yourself that are consistent and positive, you can buffer the discomfort without necessarily resolving the specific conflict directly. This can provide the psychological space needed to approach the dissonance more constructively.
Seeking Social Support and Dialogue:
Sharing your thoughts and feelings with trusted friends, family, coach, or mentor can be incredibly helpful. External validation or new perspectives gained through constructive dialogue can provide clarity and support, aiding in the resolution process. Sometimes, simply articulating the conflict to someone else can help you see it more clearly.
Mindfulness and Self-Reflection:
Practising mindfulness increases your awareness of internal conflicts, allowing you to observe them without immediately reacting or rationalising. Regular self-reflection, perhaps through journaling, helps you clarify your true values and desires. This increased self-awareness is crucial for guiding you toward more consistent and aligned behaviours, making it easier to choose engaging strategies that lead to lasting resolution.

It's important to remember that these strategies are often used in combination, and the best approach can vary depending on the individual, the specific situation, and how central the conflicting belief or behaviour is to your identity. Often, people might initially use less effortful, disengaging strategies for temporary relief, but if the discomfort persists, moving towards more engaging strategy will lead to a more meaningful and lasting resolution.

Moving Forward With Clarity

Feeling stuck or deeply uncomfortable is rarely a pleasant experience, but recognising the underlying conflict of cognitive dissonance is a decisive step towards clarity. This discomfort, as challenging as it may feel, can be a profound sign of transformation. It signals that something within you is yearning for alignment between your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

It's entirely normal to feel conflicted; after all, human experience is complex and full of nuanced choices. However, feeling stuck in that conflict doesn't have to be your permanent state. By cultivating increased reflection and awareness, you gain the power to understand the origins of your dissonance and choose how to resolve it.

As you step forward, remember that even the smallest step can create momentum. Identify one tiny action, one shift in perspective, or one moment of genuine self-reflection that feels truly aligned with what you value most. Embrace this journey with compassion for yourself, knowing that each moment of discomfort holds the potential for growth and a more straightforward path ahead.

Explore This Topic in Coaching

Bring this knowledge to your decision-making and to your coaching sessions, and make faster progress toward your goals.

Want to explore this further through coaching and live a happier and healthier life? Returning clients, book your next session today. For new clients, sign up for the Wellness Focus Plan or book a discovery call to find out more.

Book Coaching